Realization

I realize that I am still hoping for more from you. And that I still have feelings for you. Maybe I am a little better. However I don't deny that I still love you. You will always be that special someone in my heart.

What a joke

Here I was fretting away about the meaning and the intention and the many other questions that came to mind. The purpose of the apology was because I was angry. You just thought that it will be a nice gesture to brighten up my day.
Once again, you have proven to me that you will only do things that you deem fit. This happens to be one of the things that fit into your schedule, so not much of an issue for you.
Maybe I have yet to figure you out, despite having spent much time with you. My apologies.
All these points to the fact that the ROI is not worthwhile to pursue further. There are others who have been with me through thick and thin.

That is not enough

I am seething with anger now. What has been done is not enough. Maybe it is just one of the things you have in mind. I don't know. I don't know what it will take. Maybe the apology is not even intended for me. I don't know.

AARRGGHH !!!!!

Anger

26th Feb 2009

I am angry!! I am angry!! I am angry!!! I am too tired to be angry. The same questions and emotions are evoked. I feel anger, hurt and pain after the initial short-lived elation. I blame you for the mess I am in. I wish I can control my feelings but I can’t. I can’t help the way I feel. Why did you have to re-appear in my life like that? Why did you sound so endearing over the phone? Why couldn’t you have remained someone who has been cold to me since? By sending me the roses and chocs, is this enough? It has been proven time and again that you will only do things that you deem fit. I still remember what you said to me. Perhaps you are now apologizing for that. Is that enough?

I feel like screaming in your face and to tell you to just leave me alone. The irony is that I want to see you so badly now. It hurts. It freaking hurts. I just wish that the tears would come and then I can move on. I don’t know why I am holding back.

I feel like screaming at you that the next time you want to apologize, just don’t re-appear in my life ever again !!

I hate you !! I hate you !! I hate you !!

Why do I get so emotional with you? I have spent 2 years of my life “with” you. I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over you.

I am tired of spending my time, energy and emotions on you. Please just leave me alone.

I know that all that you did was to send me the roses and chocs. I had persisted with the smses and calls. Please just never ever contact me again. Not in any way. Maybe in ten years’ time I will be fine.

Not again

When work got tough for me, I know that having you in my life will not make it any better any happier.

After you'd sent me the roses and chocs, I am now back in the old spot whereby I feel that having you in my life will make things so much better.

I am yearning for you so much now.

I miss you.

Identity revealed

I am glad that you had picked up the call on Monday morning. It was nice to hear from you again. I am thankful I could talk to you in a friendly manner. It sounded like you had a lot to handle that day. Hope that you are all right. I am sure you are capable of handling what you needed to get done.

What constitutes an apology? Action speaks louder than words. Are those sufficient? Right now, I just feel like I really don't care about my efforts put in already. I just want to meet up with you.

However a part of me is angry with you for showing up in my life like that. It also feels strange that you are apologizing to me. I am assuming that you are. Unless you are apologizing to someone else. I don't think I will ever completely let go.

Wonderful surprise

What a way to start the day! I had a wonderful surprise this morning. Someone had sent me chocs and flowers. It was a sweet gesture. Now I just need to know who is the sender.

So many questions running through my head?
- what is the intention?
- why now?
- what happened?
- are u apologizing to me? if yes, for what? what did u do wrong?
- did something happen at your end?
- are you all right?
- what is the meaning of this gesture?
- why arent you picking up the calls?
- why arent you replying to my sms?

ARGH! Now I am irritated as I am not able to confirm if you are the sender. Irritating ..

I remembered grinning from ear to ear though in the morning. I kept reading and re-reading the card to ensure that it was meant for me and not someone else.

I have this feeling that you are the sender. If you are, then I hope you reveal your identity soon.

I didnt have the ending I'd imagined.

I hope all will be revealed soon.