Letting go is the hardest thing to do

"When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair until finally we have to accept we have done everything we can, we let go. We let go and move into acceptance." Quote from Grey's Anatomy.

How apt is this for me right now. I am trying very hard to maintain the anger. For what? Is there any purpose? Everything that I have done does not seem to work and I have done everything that I can.

Have I fallen into depression? Yes, I have as I am dead inside.
Am I in despair? Yes, I am and I have gone beyond that as I am dead inside.

I need to accept that I have done everything I can. Once I have accepted that, then only will I be able to let go. I will then let go and then move into acceptance. Only then will I move forward.

I need a break from all this as work is causing me pain. I need to break away from the source of pain, as just what I'd done with you. This is the only way for me to recover. I need to find myself. It is somewhere there but it is buried very deeply in.

Almost over

It is almost over. Technically it is over as it has ended. However as there are still things that are due and I need to see it to completion, it is almost over. I cannot believe that this person has the audacity to miss such a deadline. Really crap!! +++
This person never fails to make me angry ... Never .... Really boiling mad !!!

What I need to do moving forward:
- cool down
- let go

No worth my emotions, time and energy anymore. Need to let go .....

Letting go has been the most difficult thing for me .... Most difficult ...

Nice

It was nice that she had asked me to be the 2nd "referee" for the good character letter thingy. Am so touched ! :)

When I was venting to you about e current, it was really sweet of you to have cheered me up. Really touched as well ! :)

These 2 made my day . I feel slightly better after hearing what u'd said. I was really touched that u know me so well.

Wonderful dinner

It was nice having dinner that day!

It was a good chat and it has been awhile. It feels like we're close once again. It used to feel like we're strangers or something.

Was really surprised and touched when u'd treated me.

Nonetheless, it was nice :)

Don't really care anymore

I don't really care anymore.

I don't care the stupid crap that goes behind the scenes. Just find out what has happened and explain to me.

i don't care about this and that and everything else.

SCREW EVERYTHING !!!

Moving on

It is time for me to move on.

I want to explore challenges out of pharmacy. I know that what I'm handling can be handled by others in time to come.

I feel sad to leave the big family that I'm accustomed to. I want to serve a few people. Yet I must look at the big picture and see what is best for myself. What do I want? Where do I see myself in the next few years?

I know that one of the good reasons for leaving is that
- I will never see you again, which will give time for my heart to heal completely. It still hurts to see you so close to others, except for me. It is painful. I just wish that I could cry but somehow, the tears refuse to fall.
- I will see my past less often, which will also give me more space to get over it.

I really need to move on. I hope to move out completely by April 2011.

Coverage

I am really tired from covering. It takes a lot from me. To also be available for so many many other things. It is too much for me. I am at breaking point. Very very close to going nuts.

I don't know why I am still in the department. I want to give up my license. I no longer feel that I belong to the profession. I don't understand any clinical things.

I am so drained - both emotionally and physically. To keep on thinking about work and how to improve it. The many things that I need to do.

I don't know how to do it. It's really SCREW EVERYTHING !!

Really tired.