History repeating itself

She is so much like my past ... So so very similar. I am very concerned that she is close to this other person. I don't know what rubbish this person has been telling her.

Somehow I feel like I've lost her. I know she looks up to someone tremendously. When I see her interacting with the rest, I feel left out. It's as though we didn't have a connection. We used to share a lot in the past. Nowadays, it's so different.

I need to be mindful that history does not repeat with the current. For it does, I am screwed.

The Real World

It was an awakening to have experienced it personally, to have one person tell me one thing and to have this same person tell someone else another thing. I will no longer trust this person anymore.

The Future

There are talks of a new system. A discussion is on-going. I should be excited. However I really cannot care less. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't think I can contribute anymore.

I cannot imagine having to go through it all over again. Really.

Does this mean that my time is up? Time to look for something else? Or time to take a breather?

Indifference

Sometimes, I don't know if I should just stop talking all together. I am so sick and tired of caring, of saying things. I never learn my lesson. I seem to enjoy pain.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

Was I that badly affected by what she'd said yesterday? Was I prepared to let things go? I don't know.

However I do know the following:
1) Stop caring
2) Stop talking
3) Stop caring

Nothing matters anymore. Nothing ...

It's final

I wasn't looking forward to the meeting. I have been putting it off for so long. I was hoping that things will change. However I know that if things change, it will not be the good for anyone. She has waited long enough for this.

Nonetheless, it is happening. What I'd feared is happening. I allowed it to hit me. When I was asked to ask to get someone down, I really didn't handle it well cos I knew what was coming up. At the end of the meeting, I knew that I was on the verge of tears and that I had to get out. If not, I will break down there and then. And I couldn't allow for it to happen.

I knew that I had to take a spin to clear my head and allow for the tears to just fall. I am glad that I had a good cry. I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to manage it.

I feel like I will be a losing a good friend. I feel like a part of me is gone.

Things will change and on a personal front, it wont be for the better.

I feel that a part of me is gone.

What do I want

What do I want? Really? I don't know why but each time I feel pain. Perhaps it's a case of scrambling last minute. Perhaps it's also a case of not being firm. I don't know. I don't know what are my roles & responsibilities. If I have to do every damn thing, then what's the purpose of their support? If everything the user needs to do, then what is their role?

Am feeling so pissed off ... Am really sick and tired of everything.

Screw the whole damn world ... Really screw everything