What are your thoughts

I wonder what are your thoughts ... I wish I could meet up with you to ask you how you are doing .. I know if I were to do so, I'd be setting myself up for another failure ...

I remembered asking someone else this "What will I do without you?" ... The reply was "I will learn to let go and move on." How apt. Have I been able to do so? It is so much better nowadays definitely .... Nonetheless, my mind wanders to the past

Shocking news

When I heard it from the horse's mouth as I was within audible range, my jaw just dropped ... I felt as I though it was a nightmare. However it was reality ... I still can't believe. When I heard it, I just went numb. If I were to feel, I'd be tearing. What went wrong? What can be done better?

I wonder who's the instigator .. If I ever find out who this person is, I'll chop off this person's head. I'm so so so pissed off .... Am so angry !!!

I thought things were fine ... I thought she was strong ... She seemed to be doing fine ... That was a huge blow to me ... I feel like I've failed a second time ...

The news were just too much to take ... It was a tough Friday .... Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother ...

It hurts ...

News

When I heard the news, I shouldnt be surprised ... However it does have some effect on me ... Sigh ... I feel that I've failed

Pondering

I still wonder how you are. If you are ok. If you are doing fine. I am just too nice. I should stop caring.

I wonder if you will be there on Saturday. Sometimes I don't think you are that bad. However I have been proven wrong time and again. The number of times for which I had been wrong is far greater than when I have been right.

I hope you are doing well.

Results pending

I wonder what will the results be. I was stunned that things didn't go well. I wonder what happened. I wonder what she was thinking. I really have no idea what will happen.

I will leave this in God's hands. If it's meant to be, pls show the light to the necessary people. If it is not meant to be, pls show me the way to overcome it. I don't think I will be as badly affected as I had been several years ago. Nonetheless, I will still be affected. Should I have said more things to put a stronger case? Should I not have said anything prior to it?

Another resemblance is that both had been emotional. I don't think it is a coincidence. There must have been something I'd said or done that had led to this. I need to work on this. I don't know ...

I hope that the results will be out soon. It is painful to wait in anticipation.

I feel that many things will be revealed this coming week.

Dinner with a dear friend

It's been awhile since I last had dinner with a dear friend. Am glad I'd stayed back and didn't say anything to rush out. Am glad that we'd remained friends after the major mistake that I'd made several years ago.

Dinner was really nice. :)

Lessons

The lesson for me when my path and your path crossed is that I am capable of caring for someone ... to have cared so deeply and to have fallen.

My next lesson is the present when I learn that I am capable of getting over you, to see you for who you truly are and that I am capable of caring for others.

I wonder what my next lesson will be ...

Yes!

He is joining our team ! I am so excited !! I hope he stays on and that he's the protege that I've been waiting for !! I am super duper excited !

I still can't believe it !

Yay ! Happiness !!

:)

Interviewing

It was fun being part of the interview panel who will determine who will be part of the fresh blood to train. It was an eye-opener and I'd enjoyed it from beginning to end. I'd thoroughly enjoyed it ! :)

I'm glad that there were a few whom I'd persisted and felt that they should be interviewed. The first one was a hit ! Of course that there was also one whom I was looking forward to. I'm glad that he didn't disappoint. Everything he said seemed to click with me so so much. It's like I've finally found my protege ... to have found someone who shares my interest ... When he'd said that he just likes gadgets and there was just something about it . When he shared even more about IT and pharmacy together, I could sense the passion. It's like ... finally !!! I hope he decides to join us. He will be good for our team. He will be good for my team. I remembered seeing the photo and there was just something about him that kinda "screamed out" at me. If it's to everyone's benefits that he joins, pls show him the way that he joins us. If not, so be it then. Things happen for a reason. There are no accidents.

I feel like I've found the one ....

I've never felt this way

I've never felt this way before ... Not in a good way. More in a bad way.

I feel like crap. I feel like the most stupid and least assertive person on earth. I trust too much. Then there are times I jump to conclusion too fast. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything that I do seems to be wrong. There are just so many things to do. It is worse when it impacts others, when I ask them to help out, either by asking them to come back from leave or to help out. It feels that every one is covering everywhere. I really feel damn urgh !!

I don't want to do this anymore. It is so so painful. I feel that this is worse than what I'd gone thru with you. I am so sick and tired of everything that I just want to be numb and to not care anymore. It is so much easier to be a robot.

I don't know which one to do first. Everything is like so urgent & important now. I don't know what to let go of. I feel like I'm already screwed and 2 major projects are screwed.

As we were having the discussion during lunch, I felt even worse. The image that kept playing in my mind was to just throw in the letter and really just throw the damn letter.

I am just thinking that since it is already screwed up, it does not even matter if I meet up with you. Life is already bad, so it does not matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore ...

Brand new year

The new year has just begun.

My brother will be coming back in 1 week's time. So exciting! I can't believe that I look forward to him coming back. When my mum had mentioned that if his career does not work out well for him here, he may join his ex-boss in Jeddah. I know that he's mentioned it before but I didn't know that it will not be in SG. I was stunned when I heard it. As I was driving to work last Saturday, I teared at the thought of my brother working out of SG. However if that is the best for him, then it is meant to be. I guess.

The high school musical has been playing a fair bit over the hols. When I heard the phrase "the one who inspires my heart", I was on the verge of tears. I don't know why I'm feeling emotional. Is it hormones? Or have things gotten worse on a personal front? I've not been hanging out with her, so it can't be that. However I do wish that I'd received an SMS from her. The similarities are frighteningly similar. I remembered SMSing ".... What will I do without you?" The reply was "You will learn to let go and learn to live without me." I should apply that to you. And now I need to apply it to her also. If I don't let go, the outcome will not be good.

There are so many things that I wish I knew the outcome ... At least for 2 things before the end of the month.

The pre-reg interview will be next Saturday ! My first interview for which I'm on the other side ... So exciting ! I wonder who will be the new blood who will join us as pre-regs.