I've never felt this way

I've never felt this way before ... Not in a good way. More in a bad way.

I feel like crap. I feel like the most stupid and least assertive person on earth. I trust too much. Then there are times I jump to conclusion too fast. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything that I do seems to be wrong. There are just so many things to do. It is worse when it impacts others, when I ask them to help out, either by asking them to come back from leave or to help out. It feels that every one is covering everywhere. I really feel damn urgh !!

I don't want to do this anymore. It is so so painful. I feel that this is worse than what I'd gone thru with you. I am so sick and tired of everything that I just want to be numb and to not care anymore. It is so much easier to be a robot.

I don't know which one to do first. Everything is like so urgent & important now. I don't know what to let go of. I feel like I'm already screwed and 2 major projects are screwed.

As we were having the discussion during lunch, I felt even worse. The image that kept playing in my mind was to just throw in the letter and really just throw the damn letter.

I am just thinking that since it is already screwed up, it does not even matter if I meet up with you. Life is already bad, so it does not matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore ...