I am highly concerned as to how she is getting along. I think it has been a tough and rough start.
I can also feel her distancing herself a lot from me. I feel sad that the closeness will disappear just like that. Perhaps the closeness was meant to be a fleeting one.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Disagreements
Of late, I've had a couple of disagreements with her. I don't know what had led to this. I feel that we are both so emotionally involved that it's scary. From what I understand or perceive, she feels that I don't know her well enough and that she knows me better than I know her. I am at a loss. I've had this same feeling with you. I see so many similarities between you and her that I am afraid and concerned, both professionally and personally. Hopefully the "distance" will do me good and set the objectivity back in. I am definitely more objective with her than with you. However I am afraid that I am seeing through things with coloured lenses.
The first disagreement, she was really really upset by what I'd said. It went along the line whereby "You still don't know me? You should know that I wouldn't do that." I had asked directly if she was upset and I could tell she was emotionally affected.
The second disagreement was a whole lot worse. What a huge misunderstanding ! I gave her a piece of my mind over the phone and the next day. She felt that I didn't understand her. She felt that I should have known what exactly she'd meant. It definitely threw both of us off. She knew what exactly I'd meant and my perspective. She felt that I didn't see her perspective. I don't know. When she'd said "It shows how much I know you. It shows how much we know each other." I was stunned when I heard this. At this point, I could sense her tone softening. My heart ached when I heard that. It was very similar with you.
There were many points of exasperation during the second disagreement. Nowadays she refuses to explain more or share more. I don't know. Sometimes it feels so different. Perhaps she wants to distance herself away from me. I had asked for clarifications and she refused to explain further.
I have gotten too close too fast with her. I don't know what this is leading up to.
Please give me the strength to do the right thing at the right time.
The first disagreement, she was really really upset by what I'd said. It went along the line whereby "You still don't know me? You should know that I wouldn't do that." I had asked directly if she was upset and I could tell she was emotionally affected.
The second disagreement was a whole lot worse. What a huge misunderstanding ! I gave her a piece of my mind over the phone and the next day. She felt that I didn't understand her. She felt that I should have known what exactly she'd meant. It definitely threw both of us off. She knew what exactly I'd meant and my perspective. She felt that I didn't see her perspective. I don't know. When she'd said "It shows how much I know you. It shows how much we know each other." I was stunned when I heard this. At this point, I could sense her tone softening. My heart ached when I heard that. It was very similar with you.
There were many points of exasperation during the second disagreement. Nowadays she refuses to explain more or share more. I don't know. Sometimes it feels so different. Perhaps she wants to distance herself away from me. I had asked for clarifications and she refused to explain further.
I have gotten too close too fast with her. I don't know what this is leading up to.
Please give me the strength to do the right thing at the right time.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Time
Time has zoomed by so quickly. I didn't even realise that I've yet to have a post since March and March is almost ending now. I've been so busy with the set-up of the new place. A part of me is looking forward to it. Another part is tired and just wants to take a break. I don't know.
I had also seen you at a mutual friend's wedding. I knew that you were going to be there. I'm glad all the questions that I have about you are answered.
1) Are you seeing someone? Yes. And there is even a engagement or wedding ring I heard. I recognized the guy based on the photos that I've seen so far.
2) What are you doing at your new place? I had my suspicion when I saw that your newly added whom is also my friend. I thought that it may be through church work. However when I'd met up with another friend and mentioned that she'd seen you having lunch with this other person, my suspicion got even stronger. My suspicions were confirmed at the mutual friend's wedding. When I heard it, it was a complete slap in my face. Really. When I'd thought about the conversations that we'd had recently and there was not even any slightest hint that you were exploring other possibilities. Now that I know what you're doing in this new place, all the more I am hurt. For you to not have shared the slightest bit at all, I feel really stupid. And I used to think that I'd meant something or at least a little bit to you. I can understand a little better if you are doing something else. However to know the reality, it hurts. It really hurts. I am really tired. I am so glad that I did not even acknowledge your presence as I didn't know how to face you. It felt weird. I don't think it's because of the guy next to you. It was something else. Yes, I am angry and I see through you. Someone mentioned that you didn't look too happy. I don't really care as it is not my problem anymore. Really ... when I think of the past, I feel damn used.
It has ended. I feel that I am going to lose her as I will no longer work closely with her. She will move on to another section. I can feel that things are changing and will change. Maybe she wants to keep a distance from me. I don't know. I am upset with quite a few things related to her recently. I don't know. I know that she will be difficult to handle and I don't look forward to it sometimes. To always be fighting so strongly. I have to justify like crazy. I don't know. I need to be more formal. Otherwise, it will not work. It feels strange.
I had also seen you at a mutual friend's wedding. I knew that you were going to be there. I'm glad all the questions that I have about you are answered.
1) Are you seeing someone? Yes. And there is even a engagement or wedding ring I heard. I recognized the guy based on the photos that I've seen so far.
2) What are you doing at your new place? I had my suspicion when I saw that your newly added whom is also my friend. I thought that it may be through church work. However when I'd met up with another friend and mentioned that she'd seen you having lunch with this other person, my suspicion got even stronger. My suspicions were confirmed at the mutual friend's wedding. When I heard it, it was a complete slap in my face. Really. When I'd thought about the conversations that we'd had recently and there was not even any slightest hint that you were exploring other possibilities. Now that I know what you're doing in this new place, all the more I am hurt. For you to not have shared the slightest bit at all, I feel really stupid. And I used to think that I'd meant something or at least a little bit to you. I can understand a little better if you are doing something else. However to know the reality, it hurts. It really hurts. I am really tired. I am so glad that I did not even acknowledge your presence as I didn't know how to face you. It felt weird. I don't think it's because of the guy next to you. It was something else. Yes, I am angry and I see through you. Someone mentioned that you didn't look too happy. I don't really care as it is not my problem anymore. Really ... when I think of the past, I feel damn used.
It has ended. I feel that I am going to lose her as I will no longer work closely with her. She will move on to another section. I can feel that things are changing and will change. Maybe she wants to keep a distance from me. I don't know. I am upset with quite a few things related to her recently. I don't know. I know that she will be difficult to handle and I don't look forward to it sometimes. To always be fighting so strongly. I have to justify like crazy. I don't know. I need to be more formal. Otherwise, it will not work. It feels strange.
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