2009

What a year 2009 has been ! So many things have happened ... Just too many to mention.

Highlights of the year include:
1) Presenting TTR at SPC. The journey for that has been amazing! I felt like I was a complete different person on stage
2) Presenting Skype and for IP laptop ordering of meds. To have received such compliments on a job well done by CEO and COO really made my day. The efforts spent on the project as well as the presentation were worthwhile.
3) AHQI and my blue blouse. This was the icing to the cake. It was fun working with all of them! I still can't believe how I'd managed to pull that through.
4) I have gotten over my past a whole lot more. To see that even as friends, it is not possible cos you just don't put in much effort in this friendship. It is just not worthwhile anymore at all. Not at all.

Blessings:
1) Wonderful family
2) Excellent friends
3) Challenging work opportunities

I need to keep on remembering not to repeat mistakes of my past with my present.

2010 will be a blast and it will fly by !

e-greeting card

It was such a slap in the face to have received the electronic christmas card from you. There were just so many things wrong with that:
- it was non-personal
- it reflected the place you are now at, which you didn't have the decency to tell me in the first place
- there was no effort in that at all

Sometimes, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Moments like these that I wish that I could forget this part of my past. However I do know that my experiences shape me who I am. I can learn from this and move on.

Feel so stupid

I feel like crap. I feel so stupid. Why did I not push it through? Why am I so soft? I should have stated more explicitly. I feel like I've let people who trusted me down. I don't know what to do.

A part of me does not want to do this anymore. To just give up at this point. However it is too early to be giving up. I don't give up so early. I want to press on.

What I can do moving forth is to learn from my mistakes.

I feel so stupid. I feel really stupid.

ARGH !!!!

Argh !!! I wanna scream my lungs out again !!

I am freaking tired and am in the mood of tuning out and not giving a freaking damn about anything anymore. I must do something about this. I feel so angry that I just want to scream out and lash out and really ... don't care anymore.

ARGH !!!!!!

Lingering emotions

I know that my past will be my past and that it will be a part of me. Sometimes I wished that I can forget that it happened. I still feel the hurt and pain occasionally, especially when I pass by places that remind me strongly of the past. I hate myself that I wonder how you are doing. Why do I forgive so easily?

Addition

It is great to have an addition to the team. I don't think we would have been able to sustain it, just the two of us. I do get the feelings that the addition feels a bit odd/awkward. Just like what she'd said "I feel like a 3rd party." That has made me reflect on my interactions with my junior. Have I been that intense? Are we that close?

Nonetheless, I am glad to have an additional team member.

Interesting comment

It was interesting to hear what 001 had said. "It is so irritating to see the two of them together. It is as though they are joined at the hip. So irritating!!" I was amused to hear what 001 had said. When 001 explained why such emotions, I was deeply deeply touched. This is what I call a true friend. She had made a stand. It is about time I made a stand for myself in this area.

The door is truly closed and to never ever be opened again. The recent incident is proof enough that you don't have the decency to have shared with me your recent developments. When I think about all that I have done for you and when I see how I am being treated, all the more I feel stupid and I know that you treat me like crap. The treatment that I have received in return does not justify all that I have done for you. I guess you are that sort of person who will do what you like according to your whim and fancy. I am not denying that I am responsible for the part that I had to play. Nonetheless, the last straw was that. I actually doubted myself and thought I was asking for too much. Or that I was being weird.

Anyway, the door is closed. No more chances. Not worth my time at all.

At all.