Emotional cycle

I am truly glad that I had managed to sort out the emotional cycle of no. 2. I feel that we are now quite comfortable. Perhaps this person finally understands where I am coming from. I don't know how I managed to do it.

Am glad emotional cycle of no. 3 never started at all, though there were some early danger signs.

However emotional cycle no. 4 has begun. And I am in it deep. I truly wish that you're thinking of me and that somehow that least you miss me some slight bit. I need to figure out a way to know more about you before making my next move. I just feel like having fun without any consequences or long-term plan. I just want to have fun for awhile. I wonder if you would be keen. I wonder what are my chances with you. I wish you would give me a stronger hint or signal. It has been mixed so far. I don't know what it means. Or are the signals to stay away so clear, yet I am ignoring those signals? The 2nd Sunday is almost over. I can hardly wait for you to come back. I can hardly hardly hardly hardly wait.

Sometimes I feel small or stupid next to you. For you are a lot lot better. I need to remember that I am not too bad. I too have overcome challenges in my life. I am not as bad as I think I am. I need to keep remembering that.

I truly wish I could talk to you more. However I think u're pissed with me or something. I don't know. I hope that I get to see you more often. I hope that it's not your last day or something. I will truly break down if I can't see you ever again. For now, you are my happy vitamin and I need you to get thru the crap.

Am I prepared for the consequences if I go up and ask you? If I look really stupid and things become awkward, then I know that I can never go for your classes and there goes my happiness to get through the challenges and tough times and irritating people.

I truly truly truly wish that somehow we could be alone or somehow just next to each other and then we just talk to each other.

Are you back on 18th or 19th? If u're back on 18th, should I just go? I am so so so so tempted to go? But there's a run the next day and I don't want to kill my legs. I will re-think this decision nearer the date.

I am glad that I had gone for your class that Wednesday. It has definitely helped me get through the week. I am so so glad for the encouragement and push to go for your class as I was really feeling lousy.

I can hardly wait for you to be back. There are times when I am on the verge of tears or a breakdown. I can hardly wait. The one week that has gone by feels like one month or even more. I hope the next two weeks will just fly by.

1771554.

If I can't take it anymore and u're back on 18th, I may just go and just hope the legs are still there for the 19th run. Or I may just do something stupid like go for RPM on 19th and then go for the run on 19th, since i'm supposed to be on leave anyway. I am so so so so so tempted to do that. Though I think if I were to do that, my legs will definitely kill me.