Pain .. From a different source

I now know why I was dreading Friday so much. I thought that it was the meeting that was scheduled for that day. Thank goodness that the meeting went along fine. It was an explosion that was waiting to happen at the end of the day. It was painful to know that the picture that I had painted in my mind was the wrong picture to have. I should have painted the picture that had been painted to me several times. I had thought that in the big picture of things, the proposed solution was the answer as it had addressed the concerns of all parties. Yes, it came at the expense of something. I am glad that I had insisted that a decision and direction be made upon on that day. I know at the end of it I had gotten a scolding and it was painful to hear that I did not meet the very basic expectation. I am dreading TPM. It was good to hear the advice from whom the decision had to come from as well. We should just state our requirements and others state their requirements and IT should then solve the problem. However when I think about my role and that I am part IT, what does it mean then? I don't have the means to address such issues as it will be a technical issue.

The good thing that came out of this is that my boss now knows what I go through and why I feel like giving up the battle at times. I am really cornered in such situations.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on like this. The pain that I had felt due to this incident was the same pain that went straight to the heart when I realised that I had loved you and that you were no longer next to me. Why has work become so personal?

Whilst waiting to go for dinner, images of the past emerged and I remembered what it was like to feel happy. Those times were pure bliss. I wished time stopped 3 years ago, when work was manageable and you were in my life. I did think of calling you as I felt that I was already unhappy and even though I knew that you would not be able to make me happy anymore, I just felt like ruining my life and that it didn't matter any more.

I am glad that I had the support of a close friend and the day ended well in with a wonderful dinner that was way beyond reasonable.