Yes, I was hurt by what happened that day. Why did I feel hurt? It was not even directed at me. It feels even more stupid to feel hurt. Then pain came. Then anger.
Why all these emotions?
Ego hurt? Pride wounded? Cos to have been hurt by a junior? Could I have controlled the situation better? Perhaps another I felt that way was because I couldn't control the situation. I felt that my suggestions were rubbish and not worthwhile. I felt small. Perhaps her actions are a reflections of me cos I have had the feedback that I am curt at times. I need to have more heart. Perhaps I feel like a failure. With the recent events that have happened, my confidence is shaken. When things and remarks were made yesterday, I felt an affirmation that I am a faillure. What if the project is a failure? A huge joke? Funds were given for this. I feel like I cannot afford to fail as I am accountable for every single $. Perhaps I had also not communicated effectively.
I am just so glad to be so busy with work as I have meetings and things to tend to, one after another. By throwing myself at work, I hope to work through this.
I am still angry and don't wish to make peace. I feel hurt. I feel stupid that I feel hurt.
I don't know how to face her tomorrow.
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