Tomorrow

Tomorrow will determine what will happen next for me.

- If the project is a no-go, I will tender.
- If he doesn't clear, I will think 2x about being one this year
- If someone else is promoted and I'm not, I will go elsewhere. Yes, this other person deserves it. What will it take for me to deserve it? I don't have such passion. I don't care that much people.

I feel like I am running in circles.

I feel upset to have heard what I'd heard today. Cos she didn't think I'd done a good job, it affects me tremendously. As long it involves her in one way or another, it throws me off-course. Even with a silent disagreement or misunderstanding, it affects me tremendously. I am so greatly affected.

How come she doesn't know me well enough, even till now? Even if I did make a mistake, am I not allowed to make a mistake? I am human after-all. Sometimes, it's crazy to expect me to be perfect. I feel that making mistakes is so so terrible in what I'm doing. So much is at stake with a mistake, even a minor one.

I am really really tired of everything. Tired of caring. I really need to switch off the heart. FOR GOOD.

It is too painful to care. Too painful.