NUMB

I no longer feel anything anymore. I am numb. Empty inside. The heart is no longer here.

I truly wish that the tears will just fall already. When I'd heard you discussing a case just now with one of them, I felt a tinge of sadness. Yes, I wouldnt have been able to discuss it with you. I feel so useless.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. To see a potential protege choose another institution. To see another potential protege wanting to give it up. To see the current choosing something else. I am at my wits' end. Am I that bad?

I really really really need a break. I am so exhausted. From having to ensure that there are sufficient ppl on the floor. From having to think through and justify my decision. I am really tired. I don't want to bother about anything anymore. I really dont give a freaking damn.

Also I am not a chauffeur. I know that you don't treat me in that manner. It just still hurts that you won't share with me the difficulties that you are going through. It is painful you know. Really painful.

I wish I could walk away from it all. It looks as though I care. I don't know. I really don't give a damn anymore. I no longer care. I no longer care.