I have realised that what I wanted or am hankering after is not what I had truly wanted. I so desired the material world, including wealth. I have lost a significant amount of money due to pure laziness. I got over it in a matter of at most one day. Yes, it did come up once in a while but the money was already lost and there wasn't much I can do other than learn from my mistake and move on. I am now more vigilant and more careful.
However when you are no longer next to me and the days of companionship had left, I am still having trouble letting go of it. Years have passed and I still remember the past vividly. I keep pointing out to fast cars to a close friend and said that having one of those will make me happy. She had then asked me "Will you truly be happy?" I would like to answer yes. I know that the answer to that is actually no. I have experienced what it was like to be happy. A pity the relationship is not something that will materialise into something worth pursuing. If only things were different. At least I know that I am capable of caring for someone special. When you had sent me the roses and chocolates, I was ecstatic. Absolutely ECSTATIC !!
Matters of the heart are so painful.
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