Drifted apart

We have drifted apart. I didn't think that it would be such a stark contrast. When I meet up with my uni friends, we have many things to catch up on. When I meet up with those whom I've not met up for a while, it feels normal. When I had dinner with you just now, I remembered being anxious, being afraid that you will scold me as I was wasting your time. I was also nervous yet I was looking forward to having the dinner with you. All the emotions were mixed. I was just so fed up with life and didn't think that having dinner with you will make things any worse than they are already. If anything, it would brighten it up.

However after dinner, I realise that we have nothing in common at all. Nothing. It felt weird, normal, I don't know. I do know that we have drifted apart. Having dinner was good as it forced me to see reality for what it is, rather than what I'd imagined it to be, thinking that it was still the good old days.

The past has long gone. I need to do something with the present, to have a better future.

I don't know if I have what it takes to handle the present.

I'd asked a good friend if it would have been better if you'd stayed. The reply was that I would have been worse off as the emotions would have been a major roller coaster. When we were conversing during dinner just now, I knew that I didn't have what it takes to handle you. I would have been in a terribly tight and difficult position if you'd stayed on.