Upset

I am highly upset ! HIGHLY UPSET ! When I'd first heard from someone else that u'd left the organization, I was shocked. When I'd heard from this same person today the organization u'd joined, I was stunned. I'd asked if it was fair for me to expect that you will share this with me. I do believe it is fair. When I'd heard from this same person that you are like that whereby you will not share such things with the whole world .. my initial reaction is that I am not the whole world. I am different. I am special. I thought of all the times I'd spent with you, I'd mean at least something to you. For you to not have even shared this with me, I am deeply hurt and saddened. It really hurts. Even after I'd heard that you'd left, I'd asked why did you leave and where will you be working at, you'd given such sickening answer. You didn't even answer my second question. When you'd smsed that smiley face recently before I flew off to London, I was happy. I thought you were trying to make amends. I told myself that we should catch up after I get back from my trip. However when I'd heard about the organization that you have joined or will be joining, I was really upset. To have heard such news from someone else is really painful. I thought I'd mean at least something to you for you to have shared such news. I thought that I'm at least a friend to you and friends share such things. I have no idea why you are being so secretive. Perhaps you have been like that all the while to everybody but I refuse to see it and I thought that I am special to you. Alas, I AM SO WRONG!

I do feel that the times that I'd spent with you in the past is so so so wasted. I feel like I am nobody to you. It really hurts. Even though we have not met up for some time, I still allow you to have such an effect on me. I don't think I should ever meet up with you. For the last couple of catch-ups, I'd initiated those. 001 is right. COMPLETE CUT-OFF! You're not worth my time, my energy and my emotions. I am deeply hurt. Perhaps you have your reasons. I feel like meeting up with you to just vent it out on you to ask why. I am just so angry right now that I know it will be confrontational and that I will break down. I feel really really hurt.

I wish I could just say all these to you now and then just completely walk away and never turn back as we can never be friends. Maybe I am expecting too much. I don't know. I do know this that I WILL NOT initiate the next catch-up/lunch/dinner with you. I am sick and tired of always wanting this more than you. I am sick and tired of always making the first move. Deep down, I really just want to meet up and ask you all these questions. Do I really mean nothing to you at all until you didn't share such things with me? What are your reasons for not sharing with me these recent developments in your life? Even though, I am dying to vent it out on you and just thrash things out, I will wait for you to initiate. If you don't initiate, so be it then. So be it.