Contradictory

Why must it hurt as it heals? Why is something that was once good is now bad? I need to find the delete button to the past, to erase the happiness then that has led to pain now. Am I now numb to everything? If that is the case, why do I feel pain and anger? If I am numb, I should not feel anything. As I need to move on with this aspect of the past, will a completely new environment? Is it worthwhile to stay on for a glimmer of hope? Do I need a break or do I need to say goodbye? There are so many questions swirling through my mind. Are they all linked back to the same question? Why is it so tough for me to let go? Others let go so easily. Why is it that I cannot get you out of my head? I remember the good old days as though it was only yesterday and when I do remember them, they appear fresh and jump at me and I remember how good they truly were. It feels as though the absence is even more glaring now.

I don't know how I am going to get out of bed tomorrow. I feel like I am spiraling out of control once more and this is just as bad as last time. I need to pull myself out of this.

At times, I don't know what am I living for. I don't know the purpose of my existence. I need to focus on other things such that I am able to overcome what I don't have. I need to enjoy what I have rather than feel the pain of what I do not have.

If only I can find the delete button to the past. If only I can delete the good memories from which I am hurting from right now. Why can't it be so simple? Why can't I just over-ride the past? I know I can create the future but right now, everything seems so bleak. I am at a loss as to what to do.

I am tired.

I need to figure out my options