Managed it poorly

I didn't handle the conversation well last night. Sigh :( It must be me cos I think I may have been like that with others without even realising it. I'm glad she's vocal or I would have been none the wiser.

I see so many similarities and I know that I'd handled the past super poorly. Must get advice.

Maybe I'm too harsh? Maybe I'm not listening? I don't know.

The only thing I'm glad is that at least she knows my intentions, I mean well. Still, I should have managed the situation better such that it had not turned out to be like that. I don't know.

I recall the occasions when 001 had talked to me when I needed some sense to be knocked into me. I felt defensive and awful. I know that after I'd calmed down and reflect, I know where 001 is coming from and she means well. Perhaps I need to manage my own expectations that I need to be harsh to be kind. Before I am harsh, I must try the nice approach first. I cannot bring out the hammer at the first instance. I don't know.

The other thing that I concerned about is that I feel that I am emotionally involved in all this, I've more emotions in this than last year. I really felt like crap after the conversation last night. I was re-playing the whole thing over and over again and reflecting on what I could have said and what I should and should not have done. I need to think faster on my feet and to listen better.

Maybe I have also adopted the same approach with my sis and she feels that way too. That's not good.

I need to stop being like the elder sister. Maybe I was not like that last year and perhaps that's why it was better last year.

I feel so torn, so tired and so affected after last night. I feel like I am on the verge of tears.