Learning

When will I ever learn? It really does not make sense for one to go back to a place that keeps on hurting them. However it's not so simple. This same place has many happy memories. This same place brings joy at times. This same place is capable of many wonderful things. Unfortunately I also allow this same place to bring out the hurt and pain in me. It is not the fault of this same place. I am the silly and stupid one who refuse to do what's right and what's best for me. Yesterday may have been the last straw. It hurts. When I allow the remarks to sink in, they were stinging and hurtful and I allow them to hurt me. When I replay the scene, I think that it is not as bad as I make it out to be. However when I sit down and reflect, I know that I do not deserve for such statements to be made. They were really hurtful to me. How many times am I going to let it affect me before I do what's right? I cannot think of a win-win solution right now. All the possible solutions will lead to me getting hurt. I was so tired last night. I may have just cried myself to sleep or sheer exhaustion took over.

I give up. Since you think that I am of such a character, since you hate me, since you feel that having friends like me, you don't need enemies, let's end this. Let's end this friendship. Since it's doing both of us more harm than good. Since it's hurting both of us, since this friendship is more pain than happiness. Anyway I am just one friend to you. You have many many friends. You don't need me. Never had, never have and never will. After all, you mean so much more to me than I mean to you.

I give up. Let's end this friendship. This friendship is over.