Disastrous

It was a complete disaster. I couldn't even complete it. This is something that I have done several times previously. The mind simply gave up. The voice that screams "Quit" was so strong. It was so painful as I know what I am capable of doing. If this is a reflection of things to come if I do not take the necessary actions, I am in big trouble. I know what I have to do. Advice has already been given. Time to take action. I just need to hang on a little while more before I execute the plan. It will happen after a certain date. It pains me that I need to go through this all over again. I can feel the tears coming back again. However I need to do this. When I reflect on the various activities, I have realised that I could complete them on my own and I was actually happier when I was carrying out those activities on my own. I just cannot handle your presence. Somehow or other, I allow it to screw me up.

I truly wish there was another way other than detachment. I know that my absence is no big deal to you but I cannot imagine life without your presence. How is it that the person who can make me happy is also the source of my pain?Everything has been a huge irony and the worst joke possible. Time that has passed feels like only yesterday.

Today was really tough. I am upset with myself in not pushing myself harder. I just threw in the towel just like that. I need to hang on and to focus on other things. It is just painful.