Holidays are a time for joy. Unfortunately, the long break brings out unhappiness in me. It will be awhile before I see you again. I wish I could spend time with you during this long break. I still miss you. I miss those times when we had spent so much time together. I miss those times when you chose to spend time with me. I no longer feel close to you. That could be my own doing, to have put up a barrier. It still hurts. I know the answer to the question and I feel a sharp pain within me when certain images are conjured. I can feel the tears coming back up again and I am suppressing them. I have no idea what I am doing. i am just getting along one day at a time and the craziness and busy schedule is helping me numb the pain. I realize now that when I know what I want and I go all out to get it, rejection hurts. I know what I want. Unfortunately it cannot be attained. If only for just 1 day, perhaps it will make it all worthwhile. Alas, it is and was never meant to be. I love you for who you are and for every thing that defines you. The raw ache and tenderness that is building up is just killing me.
It hurts. It still does
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