Further reflection

“Chill it … Take care”
“You said you needed time … You needed space … You needed to be away … I gave it to you…”

A close and good friend had asked me if I had thought through your reply. I said yes.

I was surprised at your reply. I was expecting something whereby you'll support my decision and this was what I had in mind, "Okay, I'll expedite it. Do take care." I felt that your reply was selfish and that you did not care at all. Time and again, it has been proven to me that if what I did didn't fit in with you, the impression that I get is that it’s my own problem. You have done all that you can. My question then is “Have you?” I have put in so much effort, time, money and emotions in my relationship/friendship you. I am not expecting anything in return. However when I see how I am being treated by you in times of this difficulty, I am shocked and upset. I have always made excuses for you. I am going to put a stop to that and think through objectively and in a rational manner.

When I take a good look at the overall problem, I see the negative that I have chosen to ignore too often. When I weigh the pluses against the minuses, the end of it all is that it is in the negative. There have been times when I wanted you as more than a friend. Now I have even asked myself, if I even want such a friendship.

I am going to choose to come out of this a better person, not a bitter one. Initially I thought I will get over this faster if I hate you and if I paint you in negative light. I now know that that will not help at all. I am going to accept the whole package. Yes, there have been some good out of the friendship. I don’t deny that. I need to remind myself that on the overall, it does not make sense to even pursue this friendship.

I need to move on. I am going to spend more time and effort on those more deserving. I also know who will be there for me in times of need. I tend to take what I have for granted. I need to treasure these blessings more.