To be numb once again

What will it take to be numb once more? To not feel anything? Which was better - to feel pain and joy or to not feel anything? At this point, I would like to vote for the latter. To feel pain and hurt is not something anyone will particularly enjoy. Right now, i just feel like screaming and screaming and screaming. I wish there were tears but no tears come. I can feel the anger building up once more.