Poor execution

So much for thinking it through and planning it out. So much for the resilience. I still keep on doing what I should no have done. I had even asked for advice. Yet when the moment came, I panic and froze. I just stood there. I should have walked away. I should not have bothered to think what you would have thought when you saw me walking away. My pride stood in the way. I was also fearful of losing your friendship still. What friendship do I even have with you when I don't even see you as a friend? I was trembling when I was giving you your parcel. It is amazing how you managed to keep it normal. When I first saw a figure walking towards me, I could not make out the figure. By the time I realised it was you, it was too late. I remembered smiling initially. Then I remembered that I should not have given you the things myself. The plan was for someone else to pass to you. Why did I not stick to the plan? I only have myself to blame for this.

You look different. You look nice. You look good. I wish I could have talked to you more, as a friend. I still cannot believe that I was shaking and trembling. I tried as much as possible to be normal. I hope you couldn't sense that I was shaking. I wish my back was facing you then. You may not have recognized me from the back. I wish I was talking to my junior and my back was facing you. I wish the other junior was talking to me and all. I wish I had the courage to walk away.

I need to stop with the wishing. I need to quickly let this go and move on. I need to move on.