Not working out

Hi,

this is not working out for me. I have tried all that I can and it is still not enough. Even after not meeting up with you and cutting off contact, your presence for a really short duration triggered me again. The vicious cycle of pain, anger and hurt. During the time I had cut off contact, I felt happy and more at peace. I felt like my old self was returning. When I saw you at FAPA, a huge wave of emotions came over me. I thought I had let go of the past as I felt like I was getting better. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I was trembling when we were conversing. It is really painful for me right now.

I just thought I should let you know that I won't be meeting up with you for a much longer period of time maybe for at least 1 more year. To be honest, I don't even know if I am ready by then. Even if I am, I will then fear being triggered the wrong way again. I do not want my efforts to go to waste. It is tiring to have to go through the vicious cycle and having put in much efforts to get out of the cycle, I do not want to go into the cycle anymore. I have gone through this cycle at least few times already.

For my sanity and happiness, I am walking away from this friendship. As such, I would like to appeal that you change the mailing address for your bank statement. I understand that it will take some time to take effect. I would appreciate it if it is changed by Feb 2009. If the bank cannot accomodate to this, do let me know.

Lastly, thank you for all that you have done. I appreciate them. It is just that in order for me to move on with my life, I need to cut you off completely. I know that you are in good hands and that you have many friends who care a great deal about you. As such, I do not think that my disappearance will affect you in any way at all.

Do take care Jen.

rgds,
Shark