I don't know what else to do. The only person standing in the way of me letting go of the past is me. Only I can talk myself out of this. I don't even listen to others. I don't even listen to me. I feel that I am beyond hope. What I heard yesterday was utterly painful. I feel like I am a terrible person. I wish I was dead right now. At least, I will no longer feel the pain. My death would not matter to anyone. I am really really tired. Of everything. I don't know if I have what it takes to carry on anymore.
I cannot stand myself right now. How can I be so stupid? How can I be so pathetic? It does not make any sense at all to choose an option that leads to eternal misery. Do I truly believe that I can never be happy? In letting go of the past, it includes everything. My bitterness when I was growing up. I feel like I am blaming my past for what I am today.
I can still change. It is not too late. I have changed my exercise habit. I am more healthy now. I can change the emotional aspects. I can. I have got to believe that I can. I need a louder voice to drown out the small voice that tells me that I can't. I am really really tired.
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